In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
