dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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