I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
