You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
