a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
