dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
