On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just pee around me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
