I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
