please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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