Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
