She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
