I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
