Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
