i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
