You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
