I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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