Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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