I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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