and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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