He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
