Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
