I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
