this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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