Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Send help, water and tortillas.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
