Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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