there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
