im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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