This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
