just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Randomize
