did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
