i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
