i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
