i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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