Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
