I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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