Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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