the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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