those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
