Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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