just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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