I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
