I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize