hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
