someone threw a dead crab at me
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
