I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
