If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
