no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
