is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
