i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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