Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
