don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
