guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
