That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
3pm strippers are depressing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
