You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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