I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize