listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
