I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
