Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
