Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
