I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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