Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
