take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
