what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
