so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
