I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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