i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
