Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
