i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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