Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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