dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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